I recently attended the Foundation Training for Living Well Dying Well and I would like to promote this to everyone!

In the western world we have developed a paranoia about death and many people are kept alive for a few extra days or weeks, when this may or may not accord with their wishes. As Stephen Jenkinson wrote in Die Wise, Dying is not what happens to you. Dying is what you do. But he adds that High tech health care has become an undeclared war on dying itself, nothing less. Caveat emptor.

Living Well Dying Well is very much about a good life as well as a good death and the full diploma teaches people to be Death Doulas, assisting those with terminal illnesses and their families. This assistance may be practical physical help, legal help with documentation such as end of life wishes, Living Wills, Powers of Attorney, and even funeral planning.  It can also be spiritual help and perhaps most important, holding space for whatever the dying person or their carers want to talk about. They take an integrated healthcare approach, with no judgement, just a space of safety and listening for whatever arises.

The Foundation Training is for people who do not necessarily want to be professional Death Doulas, but for all those who want more information about the system, and the choices that are possible, but which are often not discussed until it may be too late.

One brilliant and very moving book on the LWDW reading list is Kathryn Mannix’s With the End in Mind.

Personally I thought I was quite prepared for when death would arise. I have Powers of Attorney, a Living Will and a Will for what happens to my assets when I die. I have specified some funeral wishes. But just two of the hugely important things I learned in the Foundation Training were the need to specify if one does not wish to be embalmed, which many Funeral Directors will do as a matter of course. I certainly do not want this! And the fact that one can get a sticker for the front door and a bottle for the fridge from The Lions Club.  Paramedics called to the house will recognise as a signs that you have a living will and hence they should not engage in CPR without checking this document.

I totally support the quote from Atul Gawande, Technological society has forgotten what scholars call the ‘dying role’ and its importance to people as life approaches its end. People want to share memories, pass on wisdoms and keepsakes, settle relationships, establish their legacies, make peace with God, and ensure that those who are left behind will be okay. They want to end their stories on their own terms. This role is, observers argue, among life’s most important, for both the dying and those left behind.

In the UK the Assisted Dying Bill is making its way through Parliament and is currently at the report stage. If it is passed (and I personally do support it although obviously with appropriate safeguards) then hopefully society will become more open to talking about death and dying, the role of the Death Doula will become more important and accepted and families can prepare more fully in advance so that indeed those with terminal illnesses can still live as well as possible until the end of their days.

The LWDW position on this is given here.